Have you ever noticed how creativity comes in bursts?
It does for me. I’ll go months where the music is just flowing freely, and I can’t write fast enough for the ideas in my head.
Then BANG! It stops. And I’m stuck high and dry, with nothing working. Sure I’ll still be composing in the background, but nothing works out, the ideas are rubbish, and the results are nothing I’d want to show to the world.
That’s what happened this year. I’ve been working away behind the scenes, despite my lack of publishing, and nothing has been working out the way I wanted. Mainly because I was trying different styles, different things, different voices, and experimenting with writing longer works that would probably be classified as “major” works rather than “minor” in a concert.
It hasn’t worked. Maybe it is just for me to accept that I’m a small music gal, and what I do best is simple, quick, easy music that is short in duration. That I’ll never write a masterpiece, a symphony, an opera.
Maybe that’s just fine. After all, I’m not in this for the ego, and I’m certainly not in it for the money!
At the same time, it’s kind of sad to think that maybe I’ve found my place in the musical world already, and it is time to accept that I am a “small works” composer. It’s kind of depressing to think I’ll never be important in the music timeline of things, and those brainiac musicologists will never study my works or try to figure out what inspired me or made me tick.
It’s kind of tough accepting that maybe I’m just not important.
But also, you know, it’s kind of refreshing. Because it takes the pressure away. Dammit, I’m not important! But hey, because I’m not important I can be truly free to break the rules, write what I want to write, say what I want to say, and do what I want to do. In my own time. And my own way.
Of course, despite me sitting on my rear, performances have continued to flow in from countries all around the world. Crescent Moon and The Wheel of the Year continue to get performed – and with Christmas coming on, Mary Sings A Lullaby is getting more performances around the world, plus a few repeats from choirs who have previously performed the work. Other stuff of mine is getting performed, but these are the Big Three, so far.
Over the summer (which is December through February here in New Zealand), I’ll be updating this blog and my performance listings, so if your performance isn’t listed yet, I’ll be adding it then. I haven’t been updating here much – I’ve been pretty busy with Life’s Lemons, as they say, and composition blogs have been at the bottom of a very busy barrel of work. But I’ll get there.
In the meanwhile, I really will get those new works out. Eventually. Soon.
And doesn’t Aslan call all times “soon”? 😉