I hate my ears

I hate my ears.

Have you ever noticed that, when you listen to yourself sing, you think you sound something like this:

But if you take the time to record yourself and then listen to what you really sound like, it’s more like:

(No – that’s not me – it’s somebody I found in the vast amorphous world that is Youtube)

It’s a trick of your bone structure, and the resonance chambers in your head, and the nasal passages, and all these other bony technical-ley things that my singing teacher could explain.

Technical or not, it sucks major lawn gnomes.

And it is one of the reasons why I hate singing solos, or in public, or generally anywhere except in a crowd or a BIG choir – or in the shower where people are supposed to sound bad.

I’ve been cheated by my ears too many times.

Just when I thought I was starting to sound listenable, some (often well-intentioned) scumbag would go and surprise me with a recording of myself that would shatter my comfortable illusions and present me with the grim reality of my suckiness.

Usually that ratbag is my husband, who is even kind enough to have recordings of my singing on his shuffle mode on his Ipod, ready to surprise and horrify me with not even a moment’s notice.

Thanks sweetie!

So I hate my ears. Because you think your ears are giving you the real deal, and you’re hearing something equivalent to Gruberova when you sing, but really, the sound you’re producing is more like Tiny Tim’s greatest hit.

Ouch.

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